Love and Friendship

Yes… Grandma balked at first, but we haven't seen a crow since.

10 Nasty Things A Woman Shouldn't Say To A Naked Man ... 1. Does it come with an air pump? 2. You know they have surgery to fix that. 3. (Giggle and point) 4. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 5. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow. 6. This explains your car. 7. But it still works right? 8. Are you cold? 9. At least this won't take long. 10. WHy don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

Whoever said 'less is more' had probably never had quite enough 'more'. Blank inside

My Summer vacation was fun. We went to the Washington monument. My sister got cramps, my brother lost his retainer, Mom cried a lot, and Dad took us to the orpanage.

I'm sorry dear, but Mommy has outsourced your diaper changes to your Daddy. You'll find him on the sofa watching the game.

Anatomically Correct Guide 2 Guys - Head:: tends to swivel anythime a pretty girl walks by. Ears:: unable to hear anything but sports scores. Heart:: currently no evidence that one actually exists. Six-Pack:: tends to look more like a one-pack or keg. Butt::: needs to be kicked on a regual basis. Hands:: can't seem to controll them on dats. KNees:: usually scuffed from begging for forgivness. Legs:: usually running from any kind of commitment. Foot:: usually inserted into mouth. inside: Who cares about the rest as long as the one good part still works!

Hmm. It eats. It sleeps. It poops. It already takes after dad.

Being a mother has been the best experience of my life. That reminds me… I'm out of Prozac.

From the looks of it, Your home could use a Homo.

I think what makes Martha so charming is her ability to blow up at a moment's notice.

"Ladies and Gentlemen... We'd like to welcome you to Alabama. Please set your watches back six years."

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you might be the world.

I was never meant to work.

Blank inside.